Saturday 11/20/10

Dear Journal,

Eddie and I had a long hashing out that lasted until the wee hours of the a.m. and continued early this morning. It was horrible and beneficial. I saw so much. I saw him for who he was and I saw who I'd been running from within myself. We decided around 9:30ish this morning to work on our friendship and see where it will lead since he has currently put himself back on the market. Funny thing is around noon, I had a revelation. I no longer needed, yearned nor wanted Eddie. He mentioned how something I did turned him off and I realized the same thing just happened for me. Back in 2008 I made a list of what I wanted in a mate. I was specific. Then I edited it. It was still specific just trimmed down a bit. Then I edited it again. It basically gave God free reign to pick whomever he wanted for me. After dating Eddie, I think I can finally make that list. I have a better understanding of my flaws and what I do and do not want to put up with. So here goes.

Qualities of My Future Mate aka my Boaz

• Godly Character

-saying that you love God, that you go to church, and that you read your Bible is not enough for me. I need a man that desires the will of God in every aspect of his live and lives that way. He doesn't have to speak. He smells of Godliness.

• Humble

-my mate must be willing to be corrected and lead by the Holy Spirit. He must work hard at giving his weaknesses to God.

• Strong

-my future Boaz is strong physically because he takes care of the body that God loaned him. He is strong mentally because he reads the word daily and communes with God. He is strong spiritually because when setbacks arise he recognizes that they are in place to help him grow in is faith.

• Family Man

-A man who loves his family treats them with the utmost respect. He honors the elders and acts as a positive role model for the younger generation. He wants a family of his own that he can love and teach about God.

• Enjoys Life

-I want a man that has hobbies and interests and wants to explore the different things that life has to offer. The arts, sports, nature, etc. He wants to enjoy the various forms of entertainment that God has placed here for our enjoyment.

• Supportive

-This last one is very dear to me. I want a man that is supportive of my walk with God. I want someone who is pushing me closer to God. Someone who wants me to develop my walk, wants me to prosper, wants me to possess Godly characteristics and be his help meet.

At this time I can say that Eddie is not my Boaz. He does not possess any of these qualities. That's why I know its time to let him go. My prayer for him is that one day he will be a Boaz-like man. He will be that rare gem that a Godly woman will be able to say his her husband. Only he and God can determine if that will ever happen. God said in Jeremiah 29:11 that he has a plan for my future and that it is a plan of prosperity not of harm. I saw this scripture over and over and over on either Wednesday or Thursday. That's when I knew that I needed to bounce back because God has work for me to do. He has started a good work in me and he needs to finish. This life that He has given me here is temporary, but that does not mean I can't enjoy every minute that I have here. Life can be difficult when you go at it alone. I have a heavenly Father that is willing to do it with me. I'm never alone and I thank him for my future mate. I pray that he is developing his relationship with God at this very moment. I pray that he is surrounded by goodness and that he is making his way to me. (Yeah!!!!). Until the day when I paths cross I will wait patiently and do the work that God has for me.

In Jesus Name,

Amen