I know you're probably wondering why in the world am I writing another post today. My first post was about something that I felt needed to be addressed solo. This post may or may not be as long, but it is just something I need to get off my chest and on "paper". The last time I wrote about Eddie I basically bashed him for not wanting to be with me because of sex. That idea came to mind because
1. Eddie said we were different. When I asked how, he said you don't believe in sex before marriage.
2. Bruce said there is no way in the world that Eddie is at the gym 4 hrs a day he's with some girl
Well, the joke was on me because I did a drive by and guess where I found Eddie? At the gym. He was there the whole time. (SMH)
The whole time when I was contemplating who to call about Eddie, I kept hearing the scripture "Seek Wise Counsel". Silly me. I should have went to God with my concerns and let him talk to me because I was becoming physically sick thinking about what he was doing with another woman. I was worrying for no reason.
So I thought after that I would have been ok. Wrong! Eddie and I don't speak on the phone anymore nor do we see each other and many times I have to text him first and we may only say one thing to each other all day. Well this got my mind all in a jumble AGAIN. Here's what happened:
Eddie didn't respond to my text response. I finally texted him b4 bed. (not exact)
Me: u left yet
E: no just leaving the movies. leavin at 6:30am
M: what did you see
E: 4 colored girls
M: o. how was it
E: ok. a lot of male bashing. lol
M: can I ask a ? that's none of my business
E: lol yes
M: who did u go with (me thinking he went on a d8 cuz wat guy goes to c that)
E: u really want an answer
M: yep (thinking o Lord let me brace myself)
E: people from work we went after work
M: (I go into an explanation about liking him and not wanting him to be with anyone else)
E: fat head. I'm not with ne1. My heart's still with you I'm just trying to find myself
What is wrong with me? Idk. Do you know that a few times during our conversations about our break I felt two things. 1. If you let him go I can work on him 2. Do you want him the way he is now or once I work on him. (these aren't exact) But basically I realized that Eddie and I work. We are attracted to one another, we have fun together, but we both have a lot of work as individuals. You don't get into a relationship if you're not whole expecting to become whole as time goes on. You have to be two wholes, not two halves. I can not fault Eddie for wanting to be whole. It actually made me realize how unwhole I really was. Will Eddie and I be together together in the future. I don't know. I hope so, but I'm willing to let God be in charge of that. Right now we are friends and though at times it is difficult. I know that it will be easier and it might actually help our bond by stripping away the romantic part and focusing on developing a deep friendship relationship. I said in the last post that I was letting go and sometimes we have to show God that no relationship with a person, job, or thing is more important than him. If we are able to let go we show him that and he will bless us beyond our imaginations.
Prayer: Dear God, although it is hard to give up things, and people we hold dear we know that it will benefit us in the end. Help us to remember the parable about the rich man who did not sell all of his possessions. Help us to not be like him. Help us to give up whatever you need us to. Give us the strength and the mind to do it. All this I ask in Jesus name.
Amen
edited on 11/20/10: Eddie did admit that it was about Sex. He stated that he can't wait until marriage to have sex. He's basically "horny" and felt like there were only to options. 1. cheat on me or 2. leave me. He chose the later. Yet he still wants to remain friends. Not really sure about that. Read my 11/20 post to see what I decided to do.
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