It's been a while. Well, more like a week. I just haven't been in the mood to write and have I write I usually realize that what I said before was more of a rant, but it's a way to get how I'm feeling at that moment off my chest without hurting anyone and hopefully making me feel 100% better. I stated a while back that my life sux but I think I've found the root of my problem. It's not my life that sux it's my attitude. I just finished reading He Still Moves Stones and I read the chapter about Mary and Martha. In this chapter it talks about the 10th chapter of Luke, when Mary and Martha invited Jesus over for dinner. Martha was upset because she was doing everything and Mary was sitting at Jesus' feet doing nothing. That's when Jesus basically told her in 41-42 verses that she is concerned with the wrong things and Mary has made the better choice and He won't take that from her. I'm like Martha sometimes. I feel like I'm doing so much and yet I see nothing happening. Here Mary is just sitting there and she gets a pat on the back. But is it really everybody else's fault that I'm miserable. Is it thier fault that I don't see growth in my spiritual, physical, work, and social life. Let me think about it....NO. It's my own fault. No one told me that I had to be in control of every aspect of my life and that I had to live this life full of order and mapped out. I chose that life. And you know what...It sux. I would probably be more happy if I would loosen up a bit. That doesn't mean that I let others run over me or that I do bad/evil things. It just means I would probably benefit from just letting God drive from now on. I've been driving for 27 years and I'm still stagnant. I have yet to see what my life could truly become because I've been in charge for so long. I know it won't be easy (I've led a pretty tight ship and I've got that calluses from gripping the wheel so long). So, the question is Now What? What do I do know? How do I let go?
Prayer: Lord, thanks for the spiritual awakening. Thanks for softening my heart. Thanks for not giving up on me despite all the mistakes that I have made. Forgive me Father for my sins known and unknown. Help me Father to let you take over my life. I know that when you are the captain that my life will have no bounds. I will begin to see all the greatness that you have stored up for me. Thank you oh Lord. All this I ask in your son Jesus name.
Amen
(see part 2 for another revelation).
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